other side

Ah well dear angel. So this is the negative to all the positive of late, the other side of the change. I expected it, but I did not expect the extent. That has taken me by surprise.


Why should it? After all, you know all the cliches.


True. But I did not expect this. It is as if the positives that I have found have dragged out all the negative. The main thing that I thought defined me, at least defined the way I work, has met with so much reaction that I do not want. In fact, there is now only the one that approves, that seeks, that returns.

All others are behind barriers. It is as if the good feelings I have about myself are not viewed as such by any one else. And what I find surprising is just how wide spread that is. There is no person in my sphere that does not react that way. And I mean, no one. At best I believe that all just tolerate my actions. At worst? I do not want to think about what that might be. Best is bad enough.


That is why dogs were created. They give and recieve love and do not ask for much in return.


But this state is sure going to take some getting used to. And only because I have to. To be that limited, to be that restricted, that narrow in focus, is going to have an interesting effect. This is not me. A pet was supposed to be to cater for excess affection, not be the sole recipient. But after all, what choice do I have? It is not as if I can change the attitudes, responses of others. Even if I had the right.


But you will also have me. That then makes two of us. Even if neither of us are of your kind.


Which will have to do I guess. It will just remain to be seen if the negatives manage to drown the positives. I will not go back as I feel good about what I have achieved, but it will remain to be seen what continuing forward will bring.