Connection

Lucifer, what is the matter with me? I am finding it difficult to fight against a sense of detachment, unreality. I feel as if something is wrong, but not wrong. I am more focused than I have ever been, and yet there are times when I am not, I have gone. After all this time there has been release, but at what price?

Freedom.

I wonder. Is this the promise of things to come? Am I finally on my way out? Has confession really given me freedom? In the humiliation, have I found that which I have asked for, what she wants? There is no battle to wage anymore, there is no purpose, it is done. There are no questions that are relevant, no answers that can achieve anything. I stand in this place and feel that I do not belong, that I am not wanted. There is now only the wonder if I care.

In detachment there is freedom. You are not tied, connected and so can go.

How do I know that this is true? That it is not just because things are the way that they are and I no longer have to ask for a return of that? Or have I lost so much that I am fiercely trying to protect what little self I have left? Or was it that in revelation, there was a tearing that was also giving release?

It may be all of that. Or it may be none. Only time will tell.

Well dear angel. You and I have all the time in the world together to see.